This morning Hannah got up running around, jumping up and down, shouting, "We need to hurry and get ready for MOPs. Don't wanna be late!" MOPs is a group we have joined standing for Mothers of Preschoolers. I drop the kids off and have some spiritual down time with other moms.
Unfortunately Kate is not so excited about MOPs. She has cried every time, almost the entire time at MOPs. Last week one of the teachers told me that Kate seemed to prefer her, but still wasn't very happy. What I heard was: Kate tolerated her, but did not like her. I was pleasantly surprised today when her teacher reported that Kate did not cry "as much." Her teachers are really so sweet!
I was equally as surprised when I picked Hannah up and the first thing she said was, "Today I crwed." It was so uncharacteristic that I asked her why and she said, "I bite a boy." Oh, no.
Her teacher told me that Hannah was playing with play dough when a boy took her play dough and she bit him. She assured me that she did not break skin, but it did leave a mark on the boy's cheek. She even said that the boy did not cry, but Hannah did, and for a while they thought that the boy bit her and she bit him back. If only.
So here I am, googling "toddler biting" to see what I should do because I am a little lost.
If I see Hannah's biting as a struggle for control, either over the boy, her play dough or for her teacher's attention, I should give her control in other areas of her life to satisfy her urge for control. If I see biting as a response of frustration then I should teach her to say "I'm mad" or how to ask other adults for help before she acts on her frustration. If I see this as a source of teething then I will give her something cool to chew on. And, since I tend to be indecisive and unsure of things, I will probably end up doing all of these things, in addition to I have already done.
I started out parenting thinking that spanking would be the answer. My kid disobeys they get a spanking. My kid lies, hits, bites, kicks, throws a tantrum, they get a spanking. Two years, nine months, and twenty four days later I have learned that spankings do not solve everything. Hannah needs to be taught a better way to handle emotions, whether it's her desire for control or a struggle with frustration. Spanking will not teach her that. So even if I spank her, there is still much work to be done.
I am not saying that you should or should not spank and I am not saying that I will always or never spank. What I am saying is that spanking is not that same as parenting, and parenting cannot be summed up with one course of action (i.e. spanking, time out, privilege revoked).
Parenting keeps me humble. Parenting keeps me searching for God's love, grace and wisdom every day.
And now that you've read this far (or skimmed) here are some totally unrelated photos from our recent trip to the Wild Animal Park:
6 comments:
I had no idea how much parenting would teach me, humble me, challenge me, etc....and I'm thankful for friends like you who share their own struggles and tips for what works and what doesn't. Your girls are really blessed to have you as their mom!!!!
I am learning so much just observing you and reading the blog. Thanks for sharing the ups and the downs. I'm sure when I finally get there I'll be calling you regularly for advice.
I agree Sarah...it is all about the balance...not an easy feat!
It is great to see that Hannah felt so convicted herself, that she had to rat herself out and not wait for the teacher to tell you. She has a real sense of wrong and right and loving and hurting, which is a tribute to you. She also gets the biting thing from you too. I don't mean to cast the stone, but you were a biter to, so maybe mom has some ideas for you about this too. Keep up all the hard work, it will pay off in the end...when our kids are about 20 or so.
Good thing I have such a great parenting partner. I'd be lost if I tried it on my own.
Thank you for your honesty, Sarah. I too have been so humbled by parenting. My best efforts are dirty rags. Just when I think I've got the upper hand, God yanks that rug of pride right out from under me. I've learned so much from you, and am thankful I can keep learning with you on this crazy parenting train we're on!
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