The same is true for new parents. Their sole task is to love and cuddle their baby, building trust for the bumps ahead. My friend and I were talking (and laughing a little bit) about her sister, a new mom with a 7 month old baby. The baby was beginning to cry and the mom said, "We don't throw tantrums in this house." She then scooped up the baby and said, "When you ask for what you want you can have it." I had to smile. She was perfect: loving and cuddling her baby, giving her baby what she wanted. We were laughing though because she does not realize that there will come a time when her baby asks for chocolate cake for lunch and even though your baby asked for it without throwing a tantrum, your child needs to learn how to accept "No," and, in the process of learning, "No," your baby will most likely throw a tantrum, not because you are a bad parent or your baby is a bad child, simply because learning to deal with disappointment is hard, even as an adult, and for a 2 year old it is even harder to process. And honestly, who has a rule where throwing a tantrum is okay? I mean, it happens and I tell the girls to go to their room, but I am working towards a better way to dealing with their emotions and praying that soon they will hear disappointing news and say, "Bummer."
Anyway, all that to say that we have entered that "learning No stage" with sweet Kate, and it is hard. It's like being a new parents all over again and realizing that my perfect compliant baby girl has a defiant and sinful attitude. Let me stress that I am grateful to be in this stage because I know that Kate will grow though it, and as a parent I want to see her grow and mature. She will be able to obey and respect Jeff and I better, and she will learn to respect authority figures more too. She will learn to voice her opinion and deal with disappointment.So this is where parenting becomes sweeter and harder at the same time: where I see my daughter face the sin in her life and teach her to pray and rely on God to change her heart and overcome sin. Where she begins to grow and mature from the cuddle loving stage to a thinking and developing stage. How grateful I am for the cuddles and how grateful I am to see her grow.
But really, on a day to day basis there are a lot of tantrums and a lot of fussing in our house these days - have mercy!
2 comments:
Oh Sarah, we are going through this with Dexter now too. It's like he turned 2 and the terrible twos hit full force. It's so different than with Frankie though, and I think Kate is more like Frankie.
While Dexter, like Hannah throws himself full force physically into his disappointment (flailing, head-banging, wailing, throwing anything in his range, hell bent on destruction), I've found that when we go through these stages with Frankie then end up being more exhausting somehow. It's the whining maybe? You can't ignore the flailing tantrum, and so it's clear when it needs to be dealt with, but the whining that Frankie does kind of sneaks up on me. And then I notice that I'm just kind of short with her, which makes me feel terrible, and then I realize it's because I've been letting her get away with whining for the last 30 minutes.
Be encouraged, my dear, you're a great mom, and this too shall pass. But not if you ignore it :)
Oh boy, we know that stage too!!! I was just reading a book this morning that suggested thanking God even for the difficult things. I had to thank God that my kids are not always obedient. Keeps us grounded & humble, doesn't it?!
Sarah, this is an excellent post - worthy of being published in a magazine or something. I love your reflection & comparison of new parents and married vs the more seasoned. We're coming up on 8 years and I think I like having the history, even though the idealistic beginning is super fun!
PS Kate is such a cute, squishy little thing! I want to cuddle her up!!!!
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